The Quest for Pants

Now that the wife is off for the summer (well until January now), it means that I don’t have to go home to let the dog out at lunch anymore. While that means I get more work done and can then leave that work earlier, it’s only been two days but I already miss my puppy. Her and the video games.

My lunch at home was when I’d get some prime video game time. It wasn’t long enough to delve into anything on a console, so it usually revolved around Hearthstone and Final Fantasy XIV. I’d binge on one, get burnt out and then start up the other. But now that Hearthstone is on phones finally – thanks Blizzard! – I can play that anywhere. That meant I’d been doing some serious work in FFXIV trying to hit 50 before the expansion comes out.

I like the game. It’s pretty. I might have liked World of Warcraft more back in my heyday of video game playing, but that’s because I felt like there was more to do in WoW. Each zone had more quests and more places to explore. FFXIV is pretty linear. That said, however, I love the main storyline quest in FFXIV. I don’t always read each and every text box, but I appreciate that there’s a throughline that’ll get you from start to finish. I love RPGs and I love progression hooks. I like to think about character customization even when I’m not playing. After stressful days at work, sometimes it’s just nice to go home and bit the ever living piss out of a bunch of kobolds. But there’s another progression hook that’s got its claws in me deep

For those of you who’ve ever played a MMO or any kind of role playing game in general, you know that loot and more specifically gear is pretty important. Now, I’m not always lusting after the most epic gear sets out there – I just don’t have the time – but there is something I do care about … Pants. Or lack thereof.

Here’s how my character looked a couple weeks ago:


He was so ridiculous, I had to take a screenshot of him lounging on a behemoth like some kind of androgynous king. I don’t know who’s job it is over at Square Enix to design all of the armor choices, but … this? …. What? How is that …

Fine. Whatever.

So I dug in and really started questing, got a bunch of levels, ran some dungeons and on my last venture, I won some pretty sick pants. It was on a Sunday where the wife was doing something and I told myself I’d just play for an hour or two. That hour or two soon changed into OK I’ll play for however long it takes me to find a pair of freaking pants. So back to that dungeon, I see the pants drop. They’re for monk, my class, and the stats are awesome. I’m psyched. Those two hours had become more like four … maybe five … but it was all worth it. I’d finally found me something to cover those man thighs. Hey, I’m all for wearing whatever you want, but exposing just the inner thigh. Seriously? I’m supposed to be some world renowned bad ass adventurer but I looked like the Village People wouldn’t even take me in.

With baited breath I equipped my new pants …



I went from Village Person reject to sex slave …

And then we went on vacation.

Now I don’t go home at lunch. I don’t have an opportunity to fix this. I can’t find new stuff. I can’t level up. I just think about those booty shorts. I had thought my quest for pants had come to an end, but it appears that it has just begun …


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